This week’s episode of A Basement Affair doesn’t see much happening until the last quarter of the show when one of the girls is revealed to be something she’s not. Things kick off in the usual way, with Renee still being the de facto object of hatred of the girls in the house. In spite of making nice with her, most of the girls still hate her.
The focus on Ren-hate soon shifts to this week’s challenge: A game of bikini baseball in which the winning, scantily clad team earns themselves a gang date with Frank. The girls show up to the field wearing all manner of string bikinis, thigh-highs and other outfits that Mama Maresca vehemently disapproves of. She has particular disdain for Dana’s get-up, complete with garter belt, sniping that Dana’s supposed to be studying to be a lawyer but looks like a burlesque dancer. Oh, Mama! Lighten up already!
The challenge begins and the girls are split into two oh-so-creatively and stereotypically named teams: Team Spaghetti, captained by Chatty Cathy and Team Meatballs helmed by Cathy’s pal, Kerry. The girls trade their bikinis for slightly less scanty uniforms consisting of cut-off shirts and booty shorts and prepare to get soaked sliding on the wet t-shirt contest-esque Slip n’ Slides between the bases. Frank is pretty stoked at combining his two things: hot women and baseball. Mama Maresca is less than thrilled.
The game itself is pretty uneventful with the exception of Annie being picked dead last by Team Meatballs, striking out several times, and then becoming Frank’s “Cinderella Story”/MVP with the bases loaded and hitting a run that brought the girls home and gave Team Meatballs the win. Renee shows some humanity and seems a lot less creepy when she says she’s happy for Annie and that she knows how much it sucks to be picked last.
The five girls from Team Meatball (including Kerry, Felicia, Annie, Melissa, and Renee) go on their date with Frank for a romantic Coney Island date complete with wine and Squeeze Cheese. Meanwhile, Team Spaghetti gets dinner with Frank’s parents… And a very special surprise guest, Uncle Benny. Uncle Benny is Mama Maresca’s brother and pretty damn hot for an older dude. The hot factor suddenly goes down just a bit when he has the girls play a guessing game as to what his job is. Surprise! Uncle Benny is a funeral director! Please pass the green beans!
At dinner, Jenny reveals to Mama and Papa Maresca and the rest of Team Spaghetti that she never had a boyfriend before, or at least a long-term relationship. Mama Maresca takes her to the side and asks her to help her get desert. Initially, Jenny sets her radar off, thinking there’s something fishy because there’s no way someone as attractive as Jenny has never had a boyfriend. She tells Mama Maresca that she’s much more conservative than the other girls and that she wants to take things slow and get him to like her for who she is, not because she’s slobbering all over him. Mama initially didn’t buy it, but then finds Jenny’s approach to be classy, saying that this was probably what she would have done. (Prepare to put your foot in your mouth, Mama.)
Meanwhile, back at Coney Island, Annie gets alone time with Frank (even though she’s wearing a hideous, clingy red jumpsuit with wide patent belt). The ensemble is very Peg Bundy and for as awful as it is, Annie’s got the body to pull it off. On their date, she’s cute, classy, and fun and Annie leaves Frank wanting more on their date and enjoying the time they spent with each other. Renee, on the other hand acts weird. Weirder than usual, actually. She attempts to up the ante and prove herself a sexual creature by asking Frank all sorts of uncomfortable questions about whether he’s had sex in public and if he’s considered joining the Mile High Club.
When the Renee gets back to the house, she feels like she made an ass out of herself and gets on the horn with her mother, seeking advice. Like any good Italian mama, she tells Renee that she needs to be herself and to focus. It’s very sound, almost Zen advice, but it’s a bit hard to take all this Yoda/Master Po stuff when it’s said in a Brooklyn accent
After receiving a note in his door from Jenny about how she wants to spend more time with him and have them get to know one another, Frank gets to thinking. But not in the way that Jenny would like. Frank starts feeling that Jenny hasn’t been completely honest with him. He follows his hunch and looks up Jenny online and gets more than he bargained for … and a whopping eye-full at that. Frank then goes to inform his parents about their findings.
Elimination time rolls around and Annie (who looks really pretty and classy in a plain, floor-length black dress with spaghetti straps) is given the first key for the second week in a row.
Felicia gets the second key based on her ability to be honest, trustworthy, hot, and sarcastic. The rest of the girls are given keys to Frank’s basement and it comes down to Renee and Jenny (again) in the Bottom Two.
Renee is called forward and Frank asks her why she thinks the other girls don’t like her. She claims it’s jealousy. WRONG! Frank then suggests that perhaps she’s not strong enough to handle a relationship with him. Renee starts crying and tells him the tears aren’t because she’s weak, but because she has a soul. This week, Renee doesn’t seem quite as bad or as psycho as she has in the past few weeks. She’s just a little excitable and socially awkward.
It’s all well and good because Renee stays yet another week because Frank’s going to eliminate Jenny who’s got some ‘splainin’ to do. At elimination time, Frank ponies up a photo of Jenny in front of his parents and the other girls that he downloaded online. The photo itself is blurred out, so the viewers at home can only imagine that Jenny’s got her boobs hanging out in the picture. Frank admits to the camera that although he’s a connoisseur of internet porn and while Jenny’s nudie picture wasn’t the most shocking thing he’d ever seen, it was the fact that she portrayed herself one way and was actually very different. The Marescas rip into Jenny on her way out, that Jenny’s not there for Frank and will be there to further her (nudie?) career. Even Papa Gary pipes up and reads her the riot act, or as much of a riot act that low-key Gary is capable of.
On her way out the door, Jenny gives up trying to defend herself and tells the camera on her exit interview that she knows she can do better than a guy who has no ambition to move out of his parents’ house. Ouch.
Next week, yet another girl betrays Frank’s trust. Hooo boy!
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