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Frank the Entertainer in A Basement Affair Season 1 Episode 7: Sucker Punch My Heart

With sweet, slightly off-kilter Renee gone, not much grieving is done for everyone’s favorite whipped cream-slingin’ serial fiancé. Things kick off immediately with the girls being assigned to their next challenge: Frank loves to croon and wants a woman who can sing back to him.  After launching into a little ditty of his own, he tells the girls that they will be split into three teams of two with one girl as a spotlight soloist for this challenge.  The teams will be assigned a topic and some Sinatra-style big band croon tune to pen their masterpieces to, then will be expected to perform them for him.  The winning team gets a date with Frank.

Not much of the girls in the actual composition stage is shown, except for Annie talking about how nervous she gets having to perform and Kerry — as a one-woman team — agonizing over having to write the instant-classic, “Frank Loves Muscle Tees.” 

That night, the girls dress up in gorgeous evening gowns for their performance onstage at the Gotham Comedy Club in Manhattan.  It’s all sorts of classy and swanky with a low stage where the girls perform for the esteemed panel of judges: Frank and his parents.  Mama Maresca snarks that the ladies better sing and dance appropriately as this isn’t a gentlemen’s club.  Lighten up, Francis! 

Cathy and Melissa are up first in matching blue satin ballgowns.  Prior to going onstage, Minnesota gal Melissa talks about how she sweats a lot, which is somewhat appropriate for the song they had to write and perform, “Frank Loves Working Out.” (Is anyone else feeling the Ode to Narcissism vibe here?) Onstage, fortunately, Melissa’s satin remained pristine without any unsightly perspiration marks.  Too bad her singing didn’t fare so well.  Chatty Cathy’s pipes weren’t too bad, but the duo were so off key that even Frank had to yell out “Is there any singing in this!?!” There’s a couple faint sexual overtones in the song that Super Censor Mama Maresca doesn’t catch with Frank “growing big and strong” in the song — something Cathy probably knows a lot about from last week’s basement hijinx. 

Mercifully, the song comes to an end and Felicia and Melody take the stage to perform “Frank Loves Video Games.”  The routine is kind of cutesy and reminiscent of “The Sweeney Sisters” skits from SNL with Felicia and Melody bantering with one another and talking about jumping over mushrooms and throwing in a “Sonic Boom!” for good measure.  Mama Maresca mistakes the Super Mario mushroom ad-lib as a drug reference.  Hooo boy!

From there, Kerry’s solo, “Frank Loves Muscle T’s” starts off on the right food.  Kerry writhes around in her skintight black mermaid gown, cooing in a sexy voice about Frank’s arms… Before she forgets the rest of the lyrics and has to Sarah Palin them off of a printed page.  Kerry’s routine prompts Mama Maresca to comment that she didn’t think Marilyn Monroe wiggled around that much when she sang “Happy Birthday” to JFK.  Oh, Mama!  You’re such a little Puritan!

Initially, Dana was stoked to work with her partner, Annie — AKA – The Sweetest Girl in the House on the song “Frank Loves Sleeping In.”  She soon changed her tune by the end of it.  Things start off on a predictably cutesy note until Annie’s nerves get the better of her.  In the middle of Dana’s solo in the song, Annie tells her to stop, ’cause it’s Hammer Time and Annie wants to “get freaky.”  From there, Annie gets all 2 Live Crew and rips into a profanity laced rap entitled “Goin’ Down Frank’s Basement” where “it’s not about the **BLEEP**” and you can “**BLEEP** all night… Yeah.” 

In short, Annie’s rap is awesome and the best thing about performance night.  The shocked looks on the faces of Frank, his parents, and the rest of the girls don’t quite say the same thing, however.  Frank’s parents are appalled and Dana is mortified, rushing off the stage in tears because she couldn’t sing the part that she wrote especially for Frank and Annie’s impromptu performance all-but guaranteed they lost the challenge.

Frank’s parents are shocked, if anything because they never expected to hear those words come out of Annie’s mouth.  Dana is still harping on this and tries to play “the parent card,” suggesting that she wants to slap Annie for singing obscenities in front of his parents. Annie tries to apologize to Dana, but she’s not having any of it.

Melody, the resident peace-keeper tries to comfort Annie who is sincerely apologetic for what she did and feels bad that she hurt Dana.  Dana, in turn, gets gangsta angry at Melody for trying to comfort Annie, telling the rest of the girls, “That’s how you get your ass beat, acting like that.” Even thought they were previously house-besties, Dana takes exception to the fact that Melody is nice to everyone, particularly Annie.  Melody has no idea that Dana is p.o.-ed at her and then tries to console her, too.  Dana brushes her off as someone who plays both sides of the fence. 

The tension continues before Frank announces the winners, Felicia and Melody. Their date begins right there as Frank sings to them and they have a romantic dinner at the swanky comedy club while the rest of the girls have dinner with Mama and Papa Maresca.

Back at the house, Dana calls her mom and freaks out, ready to go all ghetto on Melody’s ass. Dana’s mom pretty much encourages her to deck Melody, who Dana keeps referring to as “an old lady.”  Cathy and Kerry are freaked out by Dana’s threats towards the most harmless girls in the house (first Renee, now Annie and Melody), as well as Dana’s raging anger issues.  

Outside, Frank has a chat with Annie.  He tells her that if it was just him, she could have said whatever the hell she wanted in the song and dropped as many f-bombs as she pleased, but just not in front of his parents. Annie feels like she had to do something to try to get his attention and tells him that she has genuinely strong feelings for Frank.  She also asks him that if he doesn’t have feelings for her, to not string her along and let her grow more attached to him, and just cut her loose.

At dinner in the Maresca house, things are pretty tense. Dana doesn’t want to eat dinner with Melody and Annie and things get even worse when the Maresca’s kooky neighbor, Marianne drops by for a visit.  Apparently, Marianne has been gifted with the second sight and can read olive oil to divine the girls’ fortunes.  She predicts that Melissa will have four kids, although Frank wants even more than four.  She tells Kerry that people like her.  Marianne then tells Cathy that she has recently “gotten close” with someone.  Melissa chugs from her glass of wine as flashbacks to last week’s “Show me that ass” moment in Frank’s basement roll. 

From there, Marianne tells Dana that she has a “dark cloud” in her life.  Felicia doesn’t buy it when Marianne first thinks that Felicia had a breakup, then switches her tune to saying that she keeps her distance from people.  Felicia maintains that Marianne is “full of oil.”  When Marianne gets to Melody, she tells her first that it appears she’s been cursed with “the Evil Eye” (or what Italians refer to as the “Malochio”).  Everyone sits back and thinks Dana must really hate Melody, but then Marianne tells her that perhaps Melody isn’t what she seems to be.  This gets Frank and his parents thinking.  Even though everyone has really liked Melody for awhile, the kooky neighbor gets them wondering if Melody actually is as sweet and night as she appears.

Afterwards, it’s Elimination and Dana declares that she’s in “war mode.”  Blah, blah.  She’s not here to make friends, she’s here for Frank and all that jazz.  Melody doesn’t care if everyone thinks she’s fake, she knows she’s real and hopes Frank realizes it, too.  Annie then realizes that she will probably find more constructive ways to get Frank’s attention. 

At Eliminations, Felicia is again the first to get Frank’s key as he tells her that her sense of humor is a definite check in the plus column.  Kerry gets the second key, while Dana gets the third, gloating that she has one and Melody doesn’t have hers yet.

Melody and Annie both find themselves in the bottom two. Melody states her case that she’s not here to be anyone else but herself and hopes that’s good enough for Frank.   Annie only wants to stay if Frank sees her as something more than a friend. Frank calls Annie forward and says that he knows she has real feelings for him, but ultimately, he has to follow his own feelings and he sees Annie as more of a friend than a girlfriend.  They hug goodbye and Annie goes home.  Frank’s parents are sad to see her go, and they’ve already forgotten Annie’s foray into Li’l Kim territory.  Annie wishes Frank the best and tells the camera that she was glad he didn’t string her along and now she can move on… And that she’s more used to guys competing for her than competing for a guy herself.  Aww!  I’m going to miss sweet, quirky, fun Annie!

Frank awards the last key to Melody, telling her that he hopes she’s here for the right reasons.  Melody tells him she thinks he knows she’s really here for him.  Frank expresses some concern that she’s closer with his parents than him, but hopefully, things change.  Dana scowls angrily as the girls raise their glasses and the previews for next week’s ep roll.

Topics: A Basement Affair, Frank the Entertainer in A Basement Affair, VH1 | Comments Off on Frank the Entertainer in A Basement Affair Season 1 Episode 7: Sucker Punch My Heart

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